Aftermath of too much snooze

Am feeling very disturbed right now. Why do I have such brothers?
The big one spells trouble and the second one spells woes!! Honestly I am sick of them!I hate them,you know. I really hate them. I know that sounds childish but sometimes I feel so,right now I feel so.
In a way I feel I am much obliged to my parents all because of them. I know they hurt my parents so much that I dare not and try not to do alot of things that would go against their likings, sometimes I feel at the expense of myself.

I try to reason with myself that the younger one is in his difficult puberty age now.Boys & girls go through alot of thinkings and psychological difficulties at this phase. I was once at a point I thought my parents were never good enough. In a way or so I am always restricted and I loathed that. It doesn't help that we do not have this open communication concept in my family. We grow up discreetly, wrapped in our own thoughts.

But that doesn't keep me from hating them.I don't have those kinda feud hatred for them but deep inside I know I resented them. I further resent the younger one for growing up to be so "crooked". Foul temper and all, most of all I can't condone the way he treated my father.
And I hated him for keeping a hypocritical shell outside to the world, outside this house.

Honestly I know I blame myself too for being a poor sister. An elder sibling's least responsibility is to guide and I know I didn't do that. Never well enough.

But I do not know how and why on earth can they bring themselves to hurt the ones who brought them to earth? I can be angry with my parents sometimes but as I grow older, I try not to and lesser of the bad emotions can arise. I just don't understand. Can they not see the pain they caused?Can they not see the age that is catching up? Can they not see the sadness that will come one day when we shall part?
I just fucking don't understand!

I don't like talking about this to anyone else unless that someone can makes me talk about it.
Maybe once I met that someone but alas that friend is still lost in transition, outta the blue.

Monday is too blurred. Aftermath of too much snooze the day before? I think so.

Nonetheless...Must wake up. Work has not been entirely lucky lately but heck, stop being pathetic and live it!